Can authors be more chill about ‘dreadful’ reviews?
One of the hardest things about being an author is setting your work free and allowing the world to feast on it - or discard it - at its leisure.
Of course this doesn’t happen harmoniously, and where some readers will devour your work with zest, others will ignore it, unenthusiastically sample it or spit it out in disgust (yes - I think I might be a little bit hungry as I write this. It is breakfast time after all).
Anyway, I’m not a stranger to one star reviews, but getting your first one for a new book is always a bit of a blow. You know they’re going to come, you even brace yourself - gritting your teeth as your words find their readers who inevitably find them a bit marmitey - but when it happens, you’re never really ready for it.
With my latest book, No Worries if Not!, I had already had a one star rating - but no review. In some ways that’s harder because it leaves you wondering how on earth you so offended said reviewer that they lobbed a one star rating at you without any justification. Mind you, at least they didn’t add ‘if I could give it zero stars I would.’
But reading the reason for the rating - i.e. the 1 star review - is sometimes even harder to swallow. Yet in some ways, I admire those reviewers who take the time to explain why they didn’t like your book.
So, in comes my first 1 star review for No Worries if Not! And, thankfully, it seemed to land at the right time of the month, or when I was sitting cuddling a cat or eating buttered toast or whatever, as it didn’t feel as much like a punch to the gut as I thought it might.
Kat Bjelland is marmite
When I first played Nirvana and Babes in Toyland on full volume from my mini stacker hi-fi system in my teenage bedroom circa 1992, my parents would ask what that ‘God awful noise was’ screeching out of my speakers. In some ways, it made me love that punk rock sound, and especially Kat Bjelland’s death scream, even more. Because, especially at that age, we acknowledge that we are all different. And this isn’t just a teenager/parent thing.
Back in the 90s, the teenage tribal thing was palpable. I was called a ‘greb’ at school and it didn’t bother me. I also didn’t despise the people who called me a ‘greb’. I called them ‘townies’ but, even though I didn’t necessarily like their Juice jackets or their trainers, I thought that they were actually pretty cool in other ways.
The point is, we are all unique. And if we wrote books that everyone enjoyed, we’d either be hugely successful billionaires or a little bit vanilla. Inoffensive and meh.
Photo by Elaine Howlin on Unsplash
Even Jane Austen’s marmite!
Now I’m not comparing my work to Jane Austen, but I once remember somebody sharing a fantastic 1 star review on Twitter for Pride and Prejudice that they’d stumbled across on some review site. It said something like ‘just a bunch of posh people going round each other’s houses’.
To be fair, it’s a pretty accurate review isn’t it?
It certainly made me laugh - and not at the reviewer, but with them. It was a funny take on a book that, while it’s become a classic, is certainly not for everyone.
I mean, I love a bit of Bridgerton but there’s no way my husband’s going to watch it with me. And I love a bit of him, too. So it doesn’t need to be that divisive. In fact, balance and difference can bring us together. Although I have to say I really do struggle with the idea that anyone finds Mrs Brown’s Boys funny…
Anyway, I have decided to use my 1 star review, which described my book as ‘dreadful’, as a promotional tool. As a way to find my tribe. Because there are people out there who like marmite and hate Nirvana, or who love Nirvana and also love Jane Austen. Which made me think that there might be one or two aspects of the book that the reviewer hated that would make some people actually want to buy it.
My mum’s dislike of Kat Bjelland’s voice only made me want to listen to her death scream even more. And somebody commented on my Instagram post that they often look for campsites with bad reviews due to ‘noise’ complaints - because they knew they’d feel far more relaxed there…
So, here’s the review:
Didn't finish this dreadful book.
Read up to chapter 10.
I don't enjoy reading about periods and smear tests.
I did not like the constant swear words through the book.
Weak story line written passive words one minute, aggressive words the next.
I dont recommend this book.
And here’s my promo copy:
No Worries if Not! is for anyone who doesn’t mind a bit of blood and a few fucks.
It’s a rollercoaster ride for main character Charlotte, who is often pretty chill, but realises it’s time to get assertive and angry and take her rightful place in society when she realises she says sorry FAR too much.
Oh, and the plot’s a bit ridiculous at times, but if you could still laugh at Bridget Jones ending up in a prison cell in Thailand wearing a bra and leading a chorus of women singing along to Madonna’s Like a Virgin, then you’ll probably enjoy the farcical nature of my book too.
It’s not for everyone. And if you relate to the review above, then please take this as a helpful PSA not to buy my book.
But if you don’t mind a few fucks and a bit of blood, you’ll probably enjoy it.
And no hard feelings towards anyone who thinks it’s a bit shit. My husband loves Pink Floyd. And it might be controversial to say this, but I JUST DON’T GET IT!
Psst….you can order your copy here. Or not. I mean. No worries if not…