Remind me how women are *meant* to look again?
Frightful, freakish or hidden away seem to be the only answers…
I saw a Guardian article recently about opera actor, Rose Knox-Peebles. She was speaking out after receiving a review in The FT that described her as being ‘made up’ to look ‘a fright’ on stage.
She responded saying that she had not been made up - this was simply what she looked like.
According to the Guardian, Rose Knox-Peebles, who is 82, said she had better things to do than worry about a critic who confuses an opera stage with a catwalk.
Her response was an inspiration indeed - as many of us really do get bogged down with society’s expectations of how a woman should look.
But the problem is, you simply can’t win.
Take Madonna, 64. The queen of pop is constantly being criticised for her looks. The media had a field day after her appearance at the Grammy’s earlier this year - with headlines such as ‘Plastic surgeons weigh in on Madonna’s face’ and basically just a shit ton of bitchy addresses to Madonna, often from women (one of which then went on to compare Madonna to other ‘Gen X’ stars who hadn’t had work done but who were about 15 years younger anyway…)
If you attempt to adhere to society’s expectations, you get called a ‘freak’ (NY Post on Madonna - I wont share it in full).
If you don’t adhere, you’re called ‘a fright’.
So what’s the answer? Are older women, (and as a 45 year old I count myself as being in that bracket) supposed to simply disappear? Apparently we can’t be seen in public with work done, and we can’t be seen without.
I’m not going to pretend that I’m happy with the way my skin is ageing, or the fact that it’s getting harder to keep myself feeling fit and toned. And, yes, if I’m honest, I absolutely would consider getting something done - although I’m not sure if the fact my veins seem more prominent on my hands these days is of concern to me because I hate seeing veins or because it reminds me that I am ageing and that’s, apparently, not socially acceptable.
To be honest, these unrealistic societal expectations are so heavily ingrained in all of us it’s nigh on impossible to work out which bits of yourself you genuinely don’t like and which bits you are simply told you shouldn’t like.
You spend decades learning to feel more confident in your body, in your sexuality, in your independence and assertiveness, then, when you finally feel like you’re getting there, the world turns around and slags you off for it.
Thankfully, Madonna was just as direct in her response as Rose Knox-Peebles. Posting a picture of herself a few days after the Grammy’s shitstorm of toxic criticism she said: ‘Look how cute I am now that the surgery swelling has gone down. Lol.’
Until we stop seeing ‘reviews’ of an older woman’s ‘performance’ that describes, instead, her looks, and, worse still, describes those looks as ‘a fright’, we will no doubt continue to see many women deciding to go under the knife/needle/whatever. And I’m not ruling myself out of that, either. How can I?
It’s hard being a woman regardless of this kind of shaming. And it comes at us from all directions - even if the specific insults happen to be solely directed at a celebrity or artist.
It’s really a comment on all of us.
Women shouldn’t feel that they have to change their appearance to fit into society, or to perform in their job, or feel attractive. But it’s accepted that we do it most days with make-up anyway - it just so happens some of us go further with lip plumper or fillers or surgery…
Until we are accepted as who we are, society should accept that women have the right to choose how they respond to such an outdated idea of ageing that shows no sign of abating. We have to exist in this world after all.
If we stand against Madonna for changing her appearance, if we criticise Rose Knox-Peebles for the natural look, we’re basically saying there’s no place for older women.
And without us, without our energy and ideas and experience and passion, I reckon the world would be a pretty pants place.
Fin.
I hear you! I've decided to just lean into the batshit vibes. Fuck it, I'm a freak. But yeah, why can't I just look sort of a bit grubby.