As a high profile mental health professional, Marjorie Wallace’s invalidation of Meghan Markle’s suicidal thoughts could cost lives
This week, the Mail reported on controversial comments made by Marjorie Wallace, founder and CEO of national mental health charity SANE, on Rachel Johnson’s ‘Difficult Women’ podcast. When asked about Meghan Markle speaking out about suicidal ideation, Wallace responded with a bit of a rant about ‘victimhood’ and ‘playing the victim’, suggesting that she didn’t believe it was right to speak out about it.
As Wallace is an influential leader of a national mental health charity, one that operates crisis helplines and delivers mental health support to vulnerable people, this is one of the most harmful conversations I’ve heard about mental health in a long time…
Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash
According to The Samaritans, suicide rates in 2021 were higher than in 2020 - with 5219 registered in 2021 alone – an increase of 307 from the previous year. We also know that around 200 school-age children die by suicide every year in the UK.
While the numbers themselves are shocking, just thinking about one of those individuals and the families and loved ones they have left behind is absolutely devastating. One of those individuals could be someone we know and love.
Unfortunately, it seems that many people are unwilling to take suicidal ideation seriously. Unless someone ‘proves’ themselves by taking their own life they are deemed to be ‘attention-seeking’ or, as Wallace so articulately put it in the podcast ‘playing the victim’.
The problem is, many suicides happen because the person has felt unable to speak out. Because they have felt that there was no other way. Perhaps because they felt they might be invalidated if they did speak out…
We know this because, tragically, there are so many cases of suicide where family members had no idea that their loved one was feeling this way.
I remember a colleague, working closely as part of our small team at work who always smiled, was incredibly good at his job, always came in to work on time, was well presented and very popular.
There were no outward signs that he was struggling. In fact, we only discovered that he had a serious mental health problem when we were informed of his death.
Which brings me to the crux of the problem:
Prevention is the only cure for suicide.
And Wallace, as a mental health professional – the very people who are supposed to be empathetic, understanding and supportive - suggested that speaking out is the wrong thing to do.
This doesn’t just affect Meghan Markle herself, but also the many people who hear these comments and decide against confiding in someone because, apparently, even mental health professionals think it’s the wrong thing to do – never mind friends or colleagues who might not have any understanding.
I tweeted about Wallace’s comments after a friend alerted me to the headlines. The response from some individuals was upsetting but expected – because mental health stigma is clearly still thriving.
There were comments about how Wallace was right in saying what she did because ‘Meghan said those words and it wasn’t true. Like when people say they have a migraine, but it’s only a headache’ (a direct quote from one Tweet appearing in my timeline).
Nobody wants a headache to turn into a migraine. But at least if it does you can recover. If you are feeling low and those thoughts turn into suicidal ideation and then suicide, you can’t take that back. That’s a life lost.
But also, how can anybody confidently state how another person is feeling?
I don’t know Meghan Markle. I can’t read her mind. I will admit that I quite like her, from what I know of her. And I feel terrible and ashamed about the way she has been treated by this country. But regardless of personal beliefs or biases, invalidating anyone’s suicidal ideation is dangerous.
When someone is in the public eye, speaking out about their mental health can have a hugely influential positive effect - encouraging others to open up and seek help.
Conversely, when there is a public backlash, whether it be Wallace’s invalidating comments, or Piers Morgan accusing Will Young of not having PTSD but having WNTS (Whiny Needy Twerp Syndrome) it can inhibit others from opening up for fear of backlash and invalidation.
Hugely dangerous.
This isn’t about encouraging a hateful pile on for Marjorie Wallace - this isn’t about her personally. But her position and sphere of influence in terms of extremely vulnerable people means that this must be challenged and her role and platform in the mental health sector must be considered to safeguard others.
At the very least, she must explain why her comments were wrong – and the likes of the Mail and Rachel Johnson must help to amplify just how wrong and dangerous those comments are – and to remind their readers/listeners that it is OK to speak out and seek help.
And to those who don’t like Meghan Markle - go back to criticising her dresses, the way she looks at Harry or the fact that she eats avocado if you absolutely must. But know this: invalidating her suicidal thoughts could have a detrimental impact not just on Meghan Markle, but on other people. And that could be somebody close to you.
If you are feeling suicidal and feeling afraid to speak out in light of these comments, please know that there are many, many people who are there to listen to you and who do understand. The Samaritans, for one, are always there to listen. Please don’t hesitate in reaching out. Whether you feel actively suicidal, or have been bothered by thoughts of suicide, talking to somebody really can help.
Call the Samaritans on 116 123 or text SHOUT to 85258.
If anybody wants to read more about mental health stigma, my book, SNOWFLAKE exposes 10 of the most harmful stereotypes and gives real life examples showing just how harmful stigma is. The book covers anxiety, psychosis, personality disorders, depression, antidepressants, psychiatric hospitals, addiction and, of course, the stigma of speaking out. With contributions from Natasha Devon, Cara Lisette, Shahroo Izadi, Jonny Benjamin, Hope Virgo and many more.