5 needless apologies we must stop making
I’m all about being unapologetic at the moment. Primarily because my new romcom is about how one woman vows to break up with the word sorry (oh look, and here I am UNAPOLOGETICALLY promoting the shit out of it). Anyway, it’s called No Worries if Not! - because we probably sign as many emails off with those fateful words as we do with the words ‘Best wishes’ or ‘Kind Regards’.
So, in the spirit of the book, here are 5 times we should keep our mouths shut when the ‘s’ word tries to sneak its way out…
1. When we’ve got a great idea
You’re sitting in a creative team meeting at work, and the most genius idea suddenly forms in your brain. And it’s definitely genius because you’re mega excited, your heart starts racing and you’re desperate to show your colleagues that you’ve got the Mighty-Boosh-tactic leftfield creativity of Noel Fielding. However, when you go to open your mouth to pitch said idea you mumble something akin to…
‘I’ve got this idea, sorry, I mean, actually, it might be a bit unrealistic, so apologies in advance, in fact, it’s probably silly. I don’t know. I’ll just say it anyway «insert amazing idea here»’
So, what we’re doing here is encouraging everyone around us to hate our idea before we’ve even said what it is. And I know this to be true because I was pulled up on the very same thing by a brilliant line manager in an appraisal once many years ago. Got an idea? Just lob it in there with a boatload of energy and excitement and see how it lands. The worst that can happen (they hate it) is surely less likely to happen if you pitch with enthusiasm.
2. When we don’t want to speak to a cold caller
You’re on your limited lunch break during a busy day and you get rudely interrupted by a cold caller while finally getting to take a bite of your much anticipated sandwich. You answer, mouth half full, stomach rumbling, and the cold caller launches straight into a monologue about how crap your broadband is or how you really should claim for the terrible accident you had that you have zero memory of. So what do you do?
‘Sorry, but I can’t talk right now, I’m just on my lunch. No, sorry, no, it’s fine, sorry, I’m not interested….etc…’
I reckon, although I’ll be honest, I’m not sure I’ve successfully managed it yet, that you can actually be polite without apologising in this scenario. I’m not suggesting you shout what’s really on your mind cos it’d be rude to say something like ‘get to fuck with your nauseating sales pitch for useless crap I don’t need or want I’m trying to wolf down a cheese and marmite toastie’. However, you could just say ‘thanks but I’m not interested and I can’t talk right now’ - and if they carry on the unwanted intrusion when you’ve already asked them politely not to, well, hanging up is always an option too…
Want to see this apology in action? Check out what my main character does in the book trailer for No Worries if Not! - I’m sure many of us can (ashamedly) relate:
3. When someone is standing in our way
You’re in the supermarket, you’re in a hurry, and there’s a couple having an argument about which cheese is going to go best with their expensive wine and all you want to do a grab a trusty old block of mature cheddar and get the hell out of there.
‘Sorry, can I just…would you mind…I just need to reach…’
I don’t think you need to be rude, but surely you don’t need to apologise either. ‘Excuse me’ is perfectly British enough already surely - as is the fact that you’ve been stood queuing behind them patiently for 5 minutes already.
Photo by Alana Harris on Unsplash
4. When we need to make a complaint about something
Another very British thing we do is apologising in advance of making a complaint. I’ve shared an example that actually happened to me in the book via my fictional character. Charlotte orders cheese on toast, and she is brought cheese on toast. But, like, literally, just a mound of grated cheese on toast. Not melted. Not mouth burningly delicious. Just a mountain of grated - cold - cheese on plain toast (yes, that has happened to me.) This is plain stupid. Everyone knows what cheese on toast should look like. So why do so many of us feel the need to say ‘sorry’ before acknowledging that the food or service or whatever is really bad.
‘I’m sorry, it’s just that this isn’t what I was expecting…’
It’s as though we’re putting the onus on us. As if we’re some kind of high maintenance customer with the kind of ridiculous expectations of some spoilt A list celebrity. Can’t we just say ‘This isn’t good enough.’
Simples.
5. When we are asking for something to happen
This is where the dreaded No Worries if Not! comes into play.
If somebody invites you to a meeting on your day off, while you’re meant to be sunning yourself in Ibiza for your 40th, instead of simply, and politely (we are British after all) saying ‘I can’t make that date can we re-arrange’ why do we always, always end the request with something like…
‘I’m so sorry, I’m supposed to be on leave that day. Any chance we can change it to another date. No worries if not…’
One day somebody will take us literally. And then we’ll be really fucking sorry.
If you fancy a ridiculous romcom all about one woman’s pledge to break up with the word sorry then please do pre order my new book, No Worries if Not! - it’s full of daft scenarios, a little bit of romance and a bit of a feminist punch, too.
Hope you enjoy it.
Lucy x
PS Sorry about all the cheese. I clearly think about it way too much.
PPS. Sorry for saying sorry in a sorry not sorry post.
PPS. Dammit.